Thank God It’s Friday

The Secret Diary of Donald J Trump, aged 71 and 3/4

SINCE LAST NOVEMBER, to avoid despair at the thought of the jackass currently braying in the Oval Office, I’ve been writing, intermittently, a spoof Donald Trump diary (as readers of my website know). It cheers up people, I’m told, but I really write it for myself: if I couldn’t mock him at will, I’d have to write my will and shoot myself. My parody uses, as a springboard, the late Sue Townsend’s hilarious, immaculately-written The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole aged 13 and ¾ but, read more...

Paula-Mae is Head (of State)

NOT TO RUB you the wrong way, Madame President-elect, but I was myself tremendously upset by the Guardian headline over your interview last month, “I’m not a lesbian”, and not because I thought it went too far, but because I didn’t feel it, or you, or we, as a country, went far enough: how I wish, Madame President-elect, you were and remained openly lesbian. Now I don’t wish to push anything on anyone, least of all a sexual orientation they don’t feel; I can’t think of a more read more...

Road March (Wine, Jump-up, Leggo, etc)

CARNIVAL FRIDAY and Trinidad going mad. Madder. And part of me would give anything to be in the middle of it, but most of me is far more relieved to be completely away from it all. Maybe I might find modern soca less distasteful if it were played at half the decibel level; but I don’t think so. My first Carnival, 1974, when I wasn’t 16 yet, was overrun by Shadow’s almighty Bassman: how could someone raised on that go wild for Pump Yuh Flag? (Though I reckon I could have lost myself, read more...

Radio Barrack Yard

God, grant me the change to buy expensive distractions, the drugs to endure the things I can’t change and the indifference to wisdom necessary for living in Trinidad – Reinhold Neibhur’s “serenity prayer” rewritten for 2018 T&T OLD MR YEARWOOD used to impart to us, his form three CIC English class, his own approach to life: “He who knows, and knows that he knows, is a wise man: follow him; he who knows not, and knows that he knows not, is ignorant: teach him; but he who knows not, read more...

​Blockchains That Free

Part II of Crosswords & Blockchains DOING A CRYPTIC crossword in (or from) a newspaper nowadays is like wearing bell-bottomed jeans, a tie-dye shirt and platform shoes: very few of us have the swagger to transform that amount of dork into retro and pass it off as hipster. Who, under the age of 40, even picks up a flimsy, dirty newspaper anyway? Online, even the best paper in the world – the English Guardian – can't be sure of its survival; and, if newspapers’ days are numbered, their read more...
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The Secret Diary of Donald J Trump, aged 71 ¾

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Reading, 'Riting & AR-15s

22 February 2018Deer Dairy, Don’t like to blow my own shoehorn but how luckily America was I came along! Never thought I would admit, even in the deep secretion of my own dairy, that Babbon Obama did something goodly but he did make me mad enough to fire him. It’s a crap office, not even one gold chair, no Ovaltine at all but I STILL TOOK IT from him! Choke on that, Niger-Americans! Won’t stand for our grate anthem, I WILL MOW YOU DOWN LIKE A LAWN! And put a Negro jockey on it! read more

Guns Don't Kill, Immigrants Do

19 February 2018 Feeling very sadly, Deerest Dairy, because so many kids got shot dead in Florida but also feeling very madly, Dairy, because I TOLED THEM IT WOULD HAPPEN. The shooter was a Dreamer but it was a NITEMARE for the many fine children! I don’t mind if Niger-Americans shoot one another, that helps keep down the prison population anyways. But these were decent kids! This is what happens when you don’t elect my candidates like Roy “Molester” Moore and when DEMOCRAT LOSERS read more

BC on TV

A Trifecta of What’s Best on the Box for Sunday 25 February 2018

For those lucky enough never to have seen it, the DIRECTV Channel runs a back-to-back marathon of the complete season one of Sally Wainwright’s excellent Yorkshire police/crime drama, Happy Valley, kicking off at 2pm. Today’s Number One Film: Paddington, 9.33am & 8.20pm HBO Family BEST FILM OF THE DAY. Watch this if you liked Babe, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, or The Adventures of Milo and Otis. There are pure-kiddie movies – such as Finding Nemo, Up and The Incredibles – that are so good, grownups might like them; and there are other “kiddie” films that are really grown up films kids can also enjoy, like the Shrek and Toy Story films. Paddington may be the best of the latter lot so far made, at least for West Indians who have left home: with frequent soundtrack Read more...

Trini to d Bone

The Arima Kid - Pt II

You were doing something serious and important?But of course!Yet it was trivialized?[Interrupting] Everybody, everybody, everybody!Was that not painful?Very painful. Even my closest connections, some of my immediate family and other people would say, “Listen, man, why you don’t do something serious?” But it give opportunity! I remember we went to Cedros and there was a man with a funny face. They called him “Ugly”. He was making faces at me from the audience. People were saying, “Move from here!” But I put him on [camera] and asked him, “How you going?” And he made his funny face. He got a job just from that, what we called DEWD or Public Works. He became a personality, more than a clown. He became “Mr Ugly” instead of just “Ugly”. So it Read more...

BC Pires

is a barrister by qualification (class of 1984) but, for the last 28 years, has done nothing but write to earn a living. His flagship column, Thank God It’s Friday, has appeared in either the Trinidad Guardian or the Trinidad Express since Ash Friday, 1988. He has written about film from an informed lay perspective for the same period and is as close as the cricket-playing West Indies gets to a film critic (though he refuses that label). He has written for many publications, including the London Sunday Observer and the London & Manchester Guardian. Since 2010, his personality-based feature, “Trini/’Bago to D Bone” has been appearing in the Trinidad Guardian. Since 2002, he has been the editor of Cré Olé, the Trinidad & Tobago annual restaurant guide.
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