The Secret Diary of Donald J Trump, aged 70 ¾

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Blackball Black Ball Players

Who knew so many Trump voters cared about elephants? Is it because it’s the symbol of the Republican Party, which is great again, now that I lead it? You’d think that real Americans – i.e., blue-collar, white colour ones – really wouldn’t give a flying firetruck about what happens in Darkie-Land. I hate these you-forbidden-things, or euphe-missing-ums or whatever the word is that means you can’t call a spade a spade. There’s actually a whole country in Africa called read more

Second Coming Back

18th Nov 2017. Made America Great Again just by landing! Many people are saying it was falling apart without the best leader they ever had! So humbling to be the greatest human being alive. Suck on that, Rosie Fat’Donnell! Hit the God Bless American ground running! First thing, I put a severe Tweeting on Al Frankenstein – what a loser! He’s got a sleeping Playboy playmate next to him and he all he does is hold up his hands – tiny hands, not yuge like mine – to make it look like read more

Thank God It’s Friday

Leap of Faith

HE CAME to us in an unusual way, via 15 years of imprisonment, near-starvation and physical abuse, and 45 minutes on my wife’s bicycle, her right hand holding the handlebars, her left cradling his head, with his emaciated body stretching along her forearm to her elbow. A longhaired, short-breed dog with fur that had once been white but was now the colour of the mud in the canefields, through which he’d dragged himself, and the six-foot-long, heavy iron chain attached to the tight, rough rope around his neck for days, if not weeks, after his escape. He could barely take the two or three steps forward into the small country lane along which my wife was cycling that allowed her to notice him. He really didn’t need the extra misfortune but he was already nearly-blind in his left eye; most of it looked like a marble. She was able to make the difficult, read more...

​Nobody else but me

EVEN FOR people like me, who’d happily pay to do their jobs, the weight of existence itself can get a body down. Days like those, I wonder if I’d be happier if I were someone else. Here is the list I considered on Wednesday, when I couldn’t bear to think about the rough beast with the fat body and the head of a dunce, whose hour had come round at last one year before, when it slouched towards Washington to be born. Theresa MayAdvantages:Can make Parliamentary majorities disappear with the snap of an election. Can run through wheat fields if no one in authority is looking.Very likely to get an early retirement.Slightly better haircut than Angela Merkel. Disadvantages:Brexit.Having to appease my Irish Catholic fundamentalist governmental partners. A worse haircut than I have now.Having to take read more...

BC on TV

A Trifecta of What’s Best on the Box for 19 November 2017

The top pick and the top “Also Ran” today probably both deserve the title of BEST FILM OF THE DAY. Today’s Number One Film: The Omen, 8.10am, Fox Classics. Watch this if you liked The Exorcist, The Shining or Rosemary’s Baby. The less said about the plot, the more the viewer will enjoy this creepy horror using Biblical prophecies about the rise of the Anti-Christ as its base and huge atmosphere all the way to its summit. Immaculate pacing keeps the viewer on the edge throughout a series of unsettling events and memorably chilling images, with the very last frame being a contender for the best ever shot in all cinema. Horror movies rarely get better than this, particularly in the “supernatural” sub-genre. Unless you believe in Heaven and Hell and the Devil and all the other horse manure, Read more...

Firetruckery of the Day

​For the Gemini in All Our Bellies

The greatest modern challenge – and it’s really unique to our age – is to separate the ludicrous from the genius. We have to overcome the challenge everywhere from the Cabinet through the campuses to the catwalk: are we supposed to admire or sneer at those policies, courses or fashions? But, extreme sushi notwithstanding the contradiction of our age hasn’t so far been literally served up on a plate in front of us. Read more

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Trini to d Bone

The Arima Kid - Pt II

You were doing something serious and important?But of course!Yet it was trivialized?[Interrupting] Everybody, everybody, everybody!Was that not painful?Very painful. Even my closest connections, some of my immediate family and other people would say, “Listen, man, why you don’t do something serious?” But it give opportunity! I remember we went to Cedros and there was a man with a funny face. They called him “Ugly”. He was making faces at me from the audience. People were saying, “Move from here!” But I put him on [camera] and asked him, “How you going?” And he made his funny face. He got a job just from that, what we called DEWD or Public Works. He became a personality, more than a clown. He became “Mr Ugly” instead of just “Ugly”. So it Read more...

BC Pires

is a barrister by qualification (class of 1984) but, for the last 28 years, has done nothing but write to earn a living. His flagship column, Thank God It’s Friday, has appeared in either the Trinidad Guardian or the Trinidad Express since Ash Friday, 1988. He has written about film from an informed lay perspective for the same period and is as close as the cricket-playing West Indies gets to a film critic (though he refuses that label). He has written for many publications, including the London Sunday Observer and the London & Manchester Guardian. Since 2010, his personality-based feature, “Trini/’Bago to D Bone” has been appearing in the Trinidad Guardian. Since 2002, he has been the editor of Cré Olé, the Trinidad & Tobago annual restaurant guide.
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