BC’s Fantasy Football Nightmares


Kick Off

Woke Up, It Was a Chelsea Nightmare Morning? GW9


An advice column for the bottom seven million Fantasy Premier League managers

By BC Pires

It would be misleading to suggest I was doing better in the Fantasy Premier League but, last game-week, I certainly did less badly. My haul — I use the term hesitantly but, for me, it is — of 68 points was almost ten more than the average of 55 and more than half the highest score of 133; these are rarefied atmospheres, for me.

What’s more (really, not just “not less”), my team, BC FC, rose a notch to number three in my family & friends league (and held at six out of eight in the smaller, more informed neighbourhood league).

Globally, BC FC is in the top 1.5m, specifically #1,382,649.

Which certainly is not good, but even more certainly is better than the 6,170, 592 position it was in back in game-week four.

I also choose to look at it as an improvement that no one on my bench last week returned more points than any player on my team, as is normally the very frustrating case. This I achieved because, even though two of my players managed only three points between them (Reece James 2, Son Heung-Min, 1), my bench — Kai Havertz, Phil Foden & Jimmy Dunne managed a haul, between them, of 0.

At my level, you have to take your satisfactions where you can find them; after dredging the bottom of the pond looking for them.

Up to the last minute of last week, I’d planned to take a four point-hit and transfer in Hakim Ziyech for the injured Kai Havertz and Aaron Cresswell for the now seemingly permanently benched Roman Saiss. At the last minute, I chose not to take the hit.

And, of course, missed out on Ziyech’s 11 points, which would have repaid the four point-hit (though I did get Cresswell’s six, as opposed to Saiss’ none).

So I’ve made, this week, that transfer. (And am trying not to think that, if I’d paid the four points last week, I’d be able to transfer out the blanking Son and bring in the blinking-awesome-expletive-deserving Bruno Fernandes.)

But I’m not even worried about how badly or not-so-badly my fantasy team performs this week because my real team, Chelsea, plays the first game early Saturday morning (Barbados time).

It’s my own most basic fantasy football rule that, if you are finding it impossible to decide between captains, you should captain whichever team plays later.

So as to postpone your disappointment that much longer.

There’s only one feeling worse than your fantasy captain blanking on the first game of the weekend.

And that’s your real team not doing well in the same slot.

CFC, my real team, plays first.

And I’ve captained Timo Werner in BC FC.

Surely it couldn’t go worse for me and Chelsea in Newcastle than it is for Donald Trump and Rudi Guiliani in Washington?

Surely we’ll wake up to a Chelsea morning?

My next advice column/alibi about BC FC will appear before the GW10 deadline.