BC’s Fantasy Football Nightmares


Kick Off

GW38 ...38 Game-Weeks Later

ALL GOOD things must come to an end and the English Premiership goes out with a likely massive bang today. Amazingly, the only positions firmly settled on the final day in the real Premiership are those of champions and first runner-up, both held solidly by Manchester.

The Fantasy Premier League has had just as exciting an end, at least for my team, BC FC, which has spent most of its five seasons in the competition jockeying, not to be at the top of its mini-leagues and of the FPL itself, but to avoid being at the very bottom. For most of its existence, BC FC has occupied, all season long, the cellar position in the two leagues into which it was conscripted to make up numbers.

And to persuade all the other managers to enter, certain in the knowledge that, as long as BC FC was in, they would never be the worst team in that particular mini-league.

Since Christmas, BC FC has been in the top four of the ten-team family & friends mini-league, and has been at number one for all but, I think, one game-week. In the far more informed eight-team neighbourhood league, BC FC had more or less abandoned any hope of closing the near 200-point gap between itself and the top team.

Well, for the last few game-weeks, BC FC has been at number one there, too. GW34 ended with BC FC just three points ahead of the new number two team. In GW35, the gap widened to, I think, 17 points. Going into today’s final game-week, BC FC is 55 points ahead at number one in the neighbourhood league.

In the family & friends one, the total points of the top four teams are: 2272 (BC FC), 2214 (Most Handsome XI, my wife’s team, effectively picked by me) 2189 (ChelBCSea, my Trinidad-based team) and 2096 (Toss the Salah, managed by my brother-in-law).

Put another way, I don’t have to worry unduly about the only teams with a real possibility of catching up with BC FC today. I’ve got a kind of a mini-me-Manchester finish.

In Barbados, BC FC goes into today’s last game-week with a very slim chance of moving up from today’s #119 into the top 100 and an even slimmer chance of moving up from 261,305 globally closer to the top 250K.

Not too shabby for a team more accustomed to three-figure total points when the Premier League trophy is handed over.

Of course, I could still firetruck it up today.

And have already made the mistake that could send BC FC down that long slippery snake right before the 100th square on the snakes & ladders game board.

Although I was clear in my head, all week, that I would use my final free transfer to replace Bruno F, I still have him in my team, somehow.

Here’s how: when I realised I couldn’t afford Sadio Mane by switching out Bruno alone, I remembered a conversation with a friend who spent that last few days reminding me of how much Bruno likes to play.

I replied, every time, “But the Europa final is two days later…”

He said something, I don’t even remember what, but it wasn’t convincing.

Until last night.

Unable to get Mane in, over-tired — never pick your team drunk or exhausted — I decided to get my favourite player on my real team, Mason Mount, back into my squad.

It would have been fine, if I’d done what I’d planned to do all week: move out Bruno, move in Mason.

But then I realised I could keep Bruno, if I sold someone else, and finish the season with Kane, Salah and Bruno all in my team.

Somehow, late at night, this seemed appealing.

Like some of those weird people you left the bar with late Friday night.

So I sold Mason Green (who’s likely to play) kept Bruno (who’s likely to come on for just long enough to prevent my bench from getting into the game) and got Mason Mount, the better Mason for the same money.

So I may just slip out of the top.

But at least I’ll be in good Chelsea supporter.

My final advice column/eulogy/apology for BC FC will appear next week sometime