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BC’s Fantasy Football Nightmares

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The Stress of Success

A FANTASY FOOTBALL NIGHTMARE — But You Never Wake Up

An advice column for the bottom seven million Fantasy Premier League managers

By BC Pires

Game-Week Six — The Stress of Success

The last time something like this happened was when Sir Don Bradman, still the most prolific scorer in cricket, was out for duck in his last innings, prompting the line, “Well, what do you say in those circumstances?”

BC FC, my Fantasy Premier League team, after returning scores of 45, 40, 29 and 52 in game-weeks one-to-four, turned in 115 points in GW5.

115! The highest score in all of FPL-dom was 136! The very best fantasy manager in the world managed 21 points more than me!

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​FANTASY FOOTBALL NIGHTMARE — But You Never Wake Up

An advice column for the bottom seven million Fantasy Premier League managers
By BC Pires

The original idea was for this column to start in game-week two of the 2020/21 season. In my imagination, I would have proudly displayed my team, BC FC, which would have amassed so many points in GW1, you’d need an algorithm to count ‘em, explain to the less successful punters how I would use my free transfer and captaincy for GW2, and bask in glory.
But with BC FC scoring 45 points total in GW1 — the average was 50, the highest 142 — I really didn’t have much to write home or FPL advice columns about.
So I thought I would substantially improve on my overall rank of 3,211,855 and my measly 45 GW1 points and begin with a relative splash last week.
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A Fantasy Premier League Advice Column for the Bottom 999,999,999K

Fantasy Premier League of the English Premiership, in which any football fan with an email address and more ego than football knowledge, can pick an imaginary 15-member squad comprising two goalkeepers, five defenders, five midfielders and three forwards, all drawn from the real-life Premiership, no more than three players from any one club, one free transfer each game-week.

The fantasy — or, more honestly, “pretend” — mangers have a £100m budget and fantasy players’ costs reflect their real-life value: Spurs’ striker, Harry Kane, is £10.5m, but Southampton’s Shane Long is £5.5m. Arsenal midfielder Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang will run you £12m, but you can get Chelsea’s N’Golo Kante for £5m. Wolves’ defender Ruben Vinagre is £4.5m, but you have to fork out £7.5m if you want Liverpool’s Trent Alexander-Arnold. And would you pay £6m for Manchester City’s Ederson when you could get Brighton’s Mat Ryan for £4.5m?
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