BC’s Fantasy Football Nightmares


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GW32 Double Shame-Week

16 April 2021

The period between last Friday morning and this one was disastrous for the Eastern Caribbean, with St Vincent’s La Soufriere volcano spouting ash plumes high into the air and unusual westerly winds brining a lot of that ash to Barbados. For the last seven days, I’ve spent all morning sweeping ash up, wearing two N95 masks and eye protection against the sulphurous air. I’ve got blisters from sweeping.

The last game-week began almost as badly for BC FC, my Fantasy Premier League team. Work commitments and technological challenges kept me so busy all week, when I finally sat down to pick my FPL team, there were just13 minutes to go to deadline — and I realised I needed to play my wildcard, or I’d lose the number one spot in our family & friends mini-league and the third spot on the far more knowledgeable neighbourhood one.

So, although someone with my arithmetic challenges should ideally have 13 hours, if not 13 days, to choose a new FPL squad, I picked mine in 13 minutes, according to the FPL countdown clock.

And I wish I’d had even 14 minutes. I was in the act of switching out my Man City midfielder for Mo Salah when the FPL system shut down on me, leaving me with the team I’d saved at minute 12, “just in case".

I finished playing my wildcard last week and realised I really needed it this week.

Still, I told myself, it couldn’t be that bad. In my 13 minutes, I’d picked the two City players who were absolutely certain to play, by Guardiola standards. What were the chances that Pep would sit both Kevin De Bruyne AND Ruben Dias for 90 full minutes! You could never assess any selection chances as “nil” safely with Pep but sitting BOTH of them? Why, that would be the 00 of Pep Roulette.

Double zero came up!

Still, BC FC managed to pull in 58 points when the average was 41, enough to stay on top of the family league and actually climb one spot to number two in the neighbourhood league.

And even playing the wildcard in “fast-forward” mode worked out as an advantage: my GW30 players unchanged would have netted me 24 points.

With only one free transfer this week, and with Nick Pope injured, my intention of switching KDB for Mo or Bruno had to be shelved until GW33, when KDB won’t have a game anyway. After much agonising — not that I need it in a week in which ash from the sky settled three inches deep on my doorstep, like a snowdrift from Hell — I picked Rui Patricio as my replacement, not so much because I think he’s in great form (though he has picked up in recent weeks) but because he has three good games in a row and will allow me to use those transfers for outfield players.

The captaincy is a no-brainer for anyone with Kane in their squad but I still toyed seriously (too seriously) with giving the armband to Son. OF COURSE I am playing my triple captain chip, which I saved precisely for this week.

Pity I couldn’t switch KDB for Mo or Bruno either last week or this — but SURELY not even Pep Guardiola would sit KDB & Dias two weeks running!

Hmmm. Perhaps I should change the headline to Double 00 Game-Week.

Addendum, post Spurs v Everton: yes, I should have changed the headline. I THOUGHT I’d played my triple captain chip; but it seems I forgot to click on “Save Your Team”.

And, of course, the number two team in our family & friends mini-league is likely to be number one at the end of this week, having — successfully — triple-captained Kane. Seems both BC and BC FC were blistered this game-week.

My next advice column/eulogy/apology for BC FC will appear around the GW33 deadline