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BC’s Fantasy Football Nightmares

Intro….

Kick Off

Mount an Attack

All good things must come to an end, especially the ones that started off as extremely unlikely, and my Fantasy Premier League team, BC FC, has been edged out of the top spot in our ten-team family & friends mini-league; the good news is that I was at least pipped by another team that played its bench boost, and it wasn’t my brother-in-law, who himself slipped to fourth.

BC FC scored 83 points with the bench boost, but I took a 12-point hit to achieve a full 15-member squad with two games. My bench provided 24 points so I suppose I’m 12 to the good — but if I’d made no change at all and picked my best XI, I’d have had 69 points from my players and the original dozen back.

Looked at that way, I made two points off my bench boost.

I begin to understand why I’m in normally at the other end of any FPL league or mini-league; if there were prizes given for being in the bottom 50K, I’d be a serious contender for world recognition.

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GW26: Double or Quits

A FANTASY FOOTBALL NIGHTMARE — But You Never Wake Up

An advice column for the bottom seven million Fantasy Premier League managers

For another week and against increasingly mounting odds, my Fantasy Premier League team, BC FC, has, like Boris Johnson, somehow managed to cling on to the top spot in our ten-team family & friends mini-league; and I didn’t even use a Latin phrase or an FPL chip.

My most serious threat in the mini-league comes from my wife’s Most Handsome XI, for whom getting up to second was down to replacing Tammy Abraham with Jamie Vardy two game-weeks ago. (She has apparently forgiven Vardy for the spouse whose inherently annoying nature had hitherto precluded his selection; doubtless a lesson learned at home.)

Her brother’s Toss the Salah (whose intention, in defiance of the team name, is to retain the Egyptian until GW38) is a clear 20 points below BC FC and constitutes the major threat to BC FC, since his team is drawn from the full Premier League player roster, not just the ones deemed sufficiently handsome from week-to-week.

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GW25: Leeds Us Not Into Temptation...

A FANTASY FOOTBALL NIGHTMARE — But You Never Wake Up

An advice column for the bottom seven million Fantasy Premier League managers

Somehow, although two managers in our ten-team family & friends Fantasy Premier League mini-league used their free hit chips to cash in on City’s and Everton’s double game-week, my FPL team, BC FC, managed to hold on to the number one spot. My hip-hop loving son’s Steez FC scored highest with 103 points and my brother-in-law’s Toss the Salah (which does anything but) returned 88 points. Without playing a chip, BC FC’s 88 points were just enough to see off the threat.

Just.

There are now only eight points between BC FC and Toss the Salah. Steez FC has risen from number ten to number nine; my son has clearly inherited my penchant for the game. I happen to be at the top, at the moment, but my enduring natural place is at the bottom.

I feel like I imagine Donald Trump would have, if he’d just somehow managed to get Mike Pence to overthrow that election.

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GW24: Double Weak Game

A FANTASY FOOTBALL NIGHTMARE — But You Never Wake Up

An advice column for the bottom seven million Fantasy Premier League managers

For the top 10K Fantasy Premier League managers, double game-weeks present twice the opportunities for advancement; for the bottom 7M managers, though, you’re twice as likely to be shown up.

And go down.

My FPL team BC FC held on to the top spot in our ten-team family & friends mini-league but its lead over the second- and third-ranking teams is now just eight and nine points respectively; and I suspect my brother-in-law, at #2, will wildcard and whizz by me like Adama Traore past Slab Feet Harry Maguire.


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Game-Week 23: Too Clever by Halfwit

A FANTASY FOOTBALL NIGHTMARE — But You Never Wake Up

An advice column for the bottom seven million Fantasy Premier League managers

That killer instinct to go for the win at any cost can surface in the Fantasy Premier League faster than in Las Vegas; at least if my FPL team, BC FC, is anything to go by. Accustomed – no, groomed – to more or less permanently occupy the bottom spot in every league it entered for the last four years, BC FC has, somehow, been at the top of our ten-team family & friends mini-league for the last five weeks. (It was at number ten for the first five weeks of the season.)

The domination of our fairly ignorant family & friends mini-league is not really anything to write home or fantasy advice columns about, not even advice columns designed for the bottom seven million FPL managers. The team that spent the greatest number of weeks in the top four is managed by my wife’s eight-year-old nephew, who more or less forgot about his team after game-week one; which is perfectly understandable, if you consider his team to have been promoted to the FPL from the PPL — the Peppa Pig League.


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