AFTER FAT NIXON’s bizarre 90-minute, nonstop rant on Tuesday night – masquerading as the American presidential debate – I considered phoning my one American-Trini Trump-supporter friend to ask whether he had finally been persuaded to abandon the fat, racist, misogynist and now fascist imbecile.
But, remembering our last exchange, after Fat Himmler (aka US AG Barr) had teargassed peaceful Americans in Washington so Fat Nixon could hold a bible upside down, I thought it might be healthier to imagine the call:
BC: You watched the madness?
Trini Trumpist: Yeah, boi! We can’t put that dotish clown in the White House, for him to bring his sick, corrupt family!
BC [happily]: So you FINALLY realise he’s an idiot and a thief!
TT: I know that long-time! You wait ’til the Senate bus’ the Burisma mark!
BC: Oh. Now I see.
TT: It was like a WWF match! His Majesty put some licks on Biden crackhead son, too! Wha’ Hunter Biden know ‘bout oil for $5m a month?
BC: But Ivanka Trump used her official US Government position to get business advantages for herself in China!
TT: That woman sweet! Man I would like to, let we say, “date” her!
BC: Your hero wants to “date” her too. His own daughter. How can you stomach that?
TT[fuming]: What a nasty, disrespectful thing to say!
BC: But is Trump who said, if she wasn’t his daughter, he would date her – a teenager at the time! AND he said that the thing they most had in common was sex!
BC: But there are videos of him saying he could grab women by the…
TT [interrupting]: Nancy Pelosi doctor that video!
BC: …and people should drink bleach to fight covid19…
TT [interrupting]: A man like you should recognise satire!
BC: …and the Proud White Boys should stand by to help him steal the election when he loses…
TT [interrupting]: He said stand BY the side and let the police do their work! Don’t twist his meaning! And he will win, once we dump the illegal mail-in ballots!
BC: Chris Wallace asked him to tell his supporters to stay calm during the election and he replied he was going to urge them to go into polling stations to prevent fraud…
TT [interrupting]: He have to do that! Democrats mailing 375 million ballots to their supporters, people voting 100 times each.
BC: The closest they’ve come to voter fraud was when TRUMP, on live television, encouraged his voters to try to vote twice.
TT: We have to test the system because it corrupt!
BC: You’re denying the evidence of your own eyes and ears and repeating the leader’s mantra blindly: lock her up, law-and-order, four legs good…
TT: You want police getting shot in squad cars?
BC: It’s not an either/or. You can see Trump is a fascist plotting dictatorship and still see you can’t “defund the police”.
TT: The Leader will lead us to build the white city on the hill, and Mexicans will pay for it! ALL lives matter!
BC[leaning back sharply]: Wait, you remember you are Indian? You know that, to Trump, you’re just another disposable African-American with good hair products? You know you paid more tax than him?
TT: You only repeating Democrat talking points!
BC: But they’re facts!
TT: Lady Kellyanne said we have alternative facts.
BC[after long pause]: You remember in CIC we were both in a breakaway religious sect and my mother had to come and pull me out of the ashram? It now hit me: you can’t see reason, you deny the evidence, you parrot lies unquestioningly… You are in a cult!
TT: I am proud to be one small part of a magnificent patriotic movement that is going to make America great again! Where we go one, we go all!
BC: You know the worst part? You’re not even in a cult of personality. You’re in cult of no firetrucking personality! Why would you turn yourself into such a fool for a nothing like him? A filthy rich, selfish, empty-headed bully! At CIC, he would have been the rich man’s son who boasted about his money to boys who didn’t have socks on!
TT [after short pause]: Boy, BC, you really drank the leftist koolaid!
[BC stares into space, then hangs up; TT rattles on alone, speaking in political tongues.]
BC Pires understands that you cannot persuade someone away from a fantasy by using reality. Read the full version of this column on Saturday at www.BCPires.com