ANYTIME Trinidad threatens to out-Trinidad itself – like when the PNM spends its first year in government proving that it doesn’t grasp the concept and Tobago promptly resoundingly votes them back in – I cheer myself up by diving into my “mails-bag” for letters to the editor which never got printed in the newspapers.

A rudimentary recollection of the law of copyright forces me to confess I stole this idea from the National Lampoon, the American satirical magazine that, though very funny, had no choice but to fold, because satire has no place in a modern American reality that actually elected a joke for a president. (How the firetruck does anyone satirize that?) As always, I certify these letters are 100 per cent authentic because I made them up myself. It being “the season”, there are several Carnival-related ones; and the Donald certainly qualifies as “ole mas”.

For the music lovers, the DirecTV Channel screens the Nobel Peace Prize Concert at 2.30pm and 10.30pm.

Today’s number one film:

In Bruges, 9pm Sundance Channel. Watch this if you liked Inglorious Basterds, The Hangover or Intermission. A very dark, very funny comedy from the writer-director of Seven Psychopaths about two hitmen relaxing in the medieval Belgian city between assassination jobs. It features a terrific script and – if you can believe it – Colin Farrell keeps up dramatically with Brendan Gleeson and Ralph Fiennes. The comedy is hard-edged hilarious but there are several moments of very real and quite disturbing violence that might distress the sensitive. (Martin McDonagh/ 2008/ UK-USA/ Black comedy-Thriller/ 107 mins/ R for strong bloody violence, pervasive language and some drug content)

Also watch:

For the Rip Van Winkles who fell asleep in 2017, it was 20 years ago, today, that the 45th American president was inaugurated. The 88-year-old future BC Pires reflects, on 20 January 2037, on how the USA was changed

THE LAST GREAT President’s inauguration on 20 January 2017 was overshadowed by nothing, not even the early morning bombings of abortion clinics all over the USA by the newly-formed fighting wing of the Promise Keepers, the Covenant Enforcers. The liberal communist socialist BBC, CNN and other leftwing media/guerrilla groups thrust microphones at the Last Great President

Like last weekend, posting on Saturday because of early screening times on Sunday. And, like last Sunday, AMC runs all of season one of the seminal TV series, M.A.S.H. from pre-dawn.

Today’s number one film:

Locke, 8.40pm Cinemax BEST FILM OF THE DAY. Watch this if you liked Unfriended, Snowpiercer or the original Michael Caine/Laurence Olivier Sleuth. The best film comparison to represent Steven “Eastern Promises” Knight’s wonderful, and wonderfully tense, film is probably 12 Angry Men, the classic film of conflict set in a murder trial jury room. Locke is even more claustrophobic: apart from a very few establishing shots, the entire film takes place in the interior of a BMW driving from Birmingham to London. The full cast numbers 12 – like the Angry Men – but you see only Tom Hardy as the titular Locke at the wheel of the Bima; all the others are just voices coming in on the car’s mobile phone. Out of that ultraminimalist setup, Steven Knight – and Tom Hardy and the 11 voice co-stars – craft a superbly watchable film that will have you on edge for almost all its runtime; and nothing really happens. Simply wonderful. One of the best films ever shot, but clearly not for the Fast & Furious crowd, who would just consider it a waste of a firetrucking BMW…(Steven Knight/ 2013/ Drama-Thriller/ UK-USA/ 85 mins/ R for language throughout)

And I think it’s going to be a long-long time/ ‘Til touchdown brings me round again to find/ I’m not the man they think I am at home/ Oh no, no, no, I’m a rocket man/ Rocket man burning out his fuse up here alone – Elton John, from the song, “Rocket Man”

NOT EVEN TWO proper weeks in and already this year is sizing up to be a long-long one. Still fully seven days clear until the installation of President Jackass, and the longest four years in history actually begins counting down and, as if Time itself fears that unholy inauguration, the hours preceding it drag by and the minutes grind down into individual seconds that creep like moss; torture and time at the dentist’s pass this way.

On the up side, though, at least it will seem we’re living that much longer.

But then, why would we want to?